Kitten Mauls Opposition

Another classic ‘Bowling for Booze’ took place in Edinburgh last weekend.

The field of eight, which included all past champions, was hailed the strongest for years.

Game 1: Flying out of the traps in fine form came Mark ‘Balls of Fury’ and Cool Hand Kelly, which raised the question ‘had they been putting in some winter training?’ The Bear, (reigning two-time champ) looked very out of sorts, whilst the rest tried to find their feet. Balls of Fury took a commanding 19pt lead (137pts) ahead of Cool Hand, with Kitten lurking a further 5pts behind. The field, another 32pts off the pace appeared to be fucked at this point, which they were, with Barclay destroying the lowest score ever, a 51 pointer, yes that’s 51pts, that’s what a baby would score!


Game 2: Alcopops kicking in! Cool Hand’s stylish ball toss now resembled a wounded octopus in its final throes. Balls of Fury seemed to be having trouble finding the ‘pressure release button’ for his gaseous belly (what a most extraordinary sight that was). Tullminator had resorted to using the children’s ramp, whilst Kingpin Keillor and The Wallace wondered how the hell they’d won the competition before, and ‘The Bear’ hit a miraculous backwards strike, a rare highlight for him. The Kitten purred, almost unnoticed, in the background.

The following is an age old story, told many times in bowling alleys and on golf courses around the World.

“Mark ‘Balls of Fury’ Webster, the leader from start to finish (almost), has the trophy in his sweaty clutches!!! Oh shit................what the ...............but no...............bottled it.....................again..................not again...........taxi!!!”

Final end, a few more skittles required, alas not to be.

Kitten Chisholm crowned 2008 Bowling for Booze Champion.

Kitten:113-100 =213
Webbie: 137-72 =209
Wallace:81-111 =192
Kelly: 118-68 =186
Tull: 81-97 =178
Bear: 71-94 =165
Kingpin: 62-68 =130
Barclay: 51-71 =122