Former Champion Accused of Cheating

With just over a week to go, The Lola 2008 has been thrown into turmoil after accusations of skullduggery and slander were directed at 2005 Champion ‘The Wallace’.

Reliably sourced information was leaked to the BGS Office over the weekend, stating that the aforementioned had been overheard in an Edinburgh boozer, bragging about how he was ‘off to Chamonix in a couple of weeks’, and was going to ‘stuff the competition good and proper’. Such was his bravado that he freely admitted to having “booked multiple ‘one on one’ professional swing training sessions”.

Fragmented comments were also heard being directed towards certain individuals within the BGS, some of which included; ‘bunch of muppets’, ‘bushwhackers’ and ‘butt junkies’.

Whilst the BGS regards itself as an open and free thinking organisation, it does however take a dim view on ‘golf lessons’, and deems such behaviour as a serious infringement on the entire integrity of The Lola.

BGS member Kitten said “I have checked the Lola Golf Rules 27.4 under ‘Behaviour of a Gentleman’ - sub-heading ‘Being a Twat!’ and it states very clearly: All Lola Competitors shall use ONLY those physical and mental attributes born unto them, together with whatever concoction of alcohol and drugs they see fit. Outside golfing influences, (other than the dispersal of alcohol & drugs by others) shall not be permitted, this includes; sports psychologists, golf instructors, God and Eileen Drewery. Any infringement of this rule will be dealt with by the Committee.

The Tullminator added: “I heard that he’d gagged his wife, what sort of sick world does he live in?”

A sad day for the Lola.